Friday, February 09, 2007

RalphieC

Last night, I was playing with The Childrens before I headed out to Fat Camp, and they decided that they wanted to play a game called the "The Spinning Torture of Terror," a name HannahC came up with. What this involves is getting the office chair out of the office, placing it in the center of the living room, tying yourself (or yourselves) to the chair so you don't fly out, and then having someone (like Me, CherkyB) spin the chair around as fast as he can.

This went on for a good 20 minutes. Then, suddenly, MaxieC says, "I want to get off." I disentangle him from the rope that binds him to the chair, and he promptly hoarks on the carpet. I pick him up and set him on the tile, where he finished.

The Mrs. comes in, looks at the puke, looks at me, and says, "You're a real piece of work."

So I had to clean up a whole bunch of puke when I was supposed to be going to Fat Camp. Thus, I was late. I'm always late, as The Childrens conspire to make me late. It's always something with them.

At fat camp, I learned that once you get a beer into him, The Hamburgler has a tendency to go on racist diatribes. I never knew this before, because usually he starts up about something moronic that pushes my buttons (usually something about his love for leftist surrender-monkey politics), and I begin to viciously attack him such that he eventually shuts the hell up.

But I'm not allowed to do that anymore. I offended the delicate sensibilities of a couple people a while back, and now I am required to be nice to The Hamburgler no matter how he may be acting. It's funny, cuz he's a pretty bright guy in general, and we get along fairly well absent the influence of John Barleycorn.

All I was allowed to do was to sit back and quote Rico (who didn't show, for whatever reason), "Don't be a racist man. It's not cool." Over and over. Then, eventually I had to plead with MoodyT to put a stop to the racist diatribes, since I wasn't allowed to. So MoodyT gave the overhead lamp a little push, and it started swinging back and forth, and The Hamburgler was mesmerized by it and forgot about everything.

Today was Hawaiian shirt day at work. This was to celebrate the end of the cold spell, as it got above freezing and the snow started melting a few days ago. I decided, completely against character, that I should wear a Hawaiian shirt today. I stepped out onto the front porch to go to work, and it was snowing.

I said to The Mrs., "It's snowing, and I'm wearing a Hawaiian shirt."

"Do you want to change into something warmer?"

"No, it's Hawaiian shirt day at work."

"Oh! Do you want a lei and a beachcomber hat?"

So I went to work in the snow in a Hawaiian shirt, three silk flower leis, and a beachcomber hat. I looked and felt like an idiot. So, to the Employee Involvement Team I'd like to say "Mission Accomplished." I'd also like to note that the person who sent out all the emails and reminders for Hawaiian shirt day did herself wear nothing at all remotely Hawaiian.

I counted a total of 8 people in Hawaiian attire, though The Hamburgler assures me someone told him it was really at least 30.

I'm not sure I like this out of character stuff. I'm thinking next week maybe I'll start being myself again.

7 comments:

Rhonda said...

I needed that laugh.
You my friend.
Can I call you my friend?
Are a funny guy.
Sorry you couldn't "go off" on your usual tangent last night.
That must have been difficult.
I have to say sometimes your snarkiness can be a little over the top.
Feelings are important ya know!
It's fun to picture you, MeCherkyb with a whole new persona;
Mr. Sensitive.

I like that.
;)~

CherkyB said...

You can call me your friend if you like, but you run the risk of The Mrs. hunting you down. I'm not allowed to have female friends because, what with my good looks, incredible charm, and substantial income, they always end up falling in love with me eventually.

Sadly, that happens with a lot of my male friends as well. It's hard to resist the power of The CherkyB.

Rhonda said...

okay okay
enough of that...

:)

CherkyB said...

As though one could ever get "enough" of The CherkyB.

Rhonda said...

~me shaking my head...

wife said...

You'll shoot your eye out.

carly simon said...

You're so vain ...I bet you think this this post is about you ...don'tcha don'tcha....