Friday, November 02, 2007

The Urbanity of it All

A while back, I noted how many of my co-workers had gone out to purchase iPhones. Largely, these have been used primarily for settling the invariable conflicts that arise when I am expounding at length about some obscure topic, and then one of my dunderheaded companions decides that I can't possibly know such minutiae about this particular topic and issues a challenge:
Me, CherkyB: "and blah blah blah..."

Dunderheaded Companion: "Bullshit!"

Me, CherkyB: "OK, doesn't someone here have internet on his phone? If only there was some way we could google this."

Other: "Hang on. Hang on."

[inordinate wait due to the obsolete EDGE technology used in the iPhone when connected to the internet over the cell network]

Other: "Shit. He's right."

Me, CherkyB: "Yeah. I'm always right. I'm surprised you don't know that by now. Your momma learned that a long time ago. By the way, she wants you to call more often. At least, I think that's what she said. I wasn't really paying attention cuz I was kinda sleepy and needed a cigarette."
Now, I will admit that, despite being being a very advanced student of morology, I am on occasion wrong. For instance, I was a little off base with my characterization of Alaska a having seven men for every woman, a factoid I picked up on a tour bus from Anchorage to Seward. However, reflecting upon that, I believe he was claiming this for only a particularly lousy section of the state, and not for the populated areas along the cost.

Of late, however, a new pass-time of sorts has developed. That is to look up common things in the Urban Dictionary. This actually came out of the whole muffler business of which I wrote a couple weeks ago. The fellows were off on a boondoggle last week to Shmashacusetts, and they got bored, so they started looking up the names of people in the room.

It's funny how many regular old names (both first and last) have slang meanings.

Now, some of the fellows also happened to be along at Fat Camp last night, so they felt the need to demonstrate this new-found hobby on a fresh audience in an effort to justify the massive cost of the unlimited data plan from AT&T Wireless. Here are a couple choice excerpts from the definition of my name:

[...] he is almost always easier to figure out while heavily induced with alcohol.

Brian generally has no enemies, but at times is intensely disliked by his friends. He is great at making you feel big emotions, while using small words, and half ass'd glances.

A guy who[se] heart is captured by the same girl always yet lives his life as if she didn't exist when she's not around.
Somehow, the lads felt that this was an oddly accurate description of me. They seemed overly focused on the "intensely disliked by his friends" part, though.

Envy is one of the seven deadly sins.

Overall, I fared much better in the lookup wars than did some of the other attendees. And I'm quite happy my last name doesn't mean, "To murder you family in cold blood and then kill yourself."

What does your name mean?


Nava said...

I looked up my own name, certain there will be a blank screen...

...Oh, how wrong I was!!! :-&

Nava said...

Hmmm... that would explain the first definition of The JohnnyB's name.

ellie said...

Here's the version of my actual name: Intense, firey female Possessing ability to affect person, place, and immediate surrounding environment. Frequently manifesting such conflicting extremes that the outcome is typically one of lucidity or confusion. The conflict(s) can occur consecutively, concurrent or separate. Other characteristics of Danielle are; abundance of curly locks of hair (red?), kalidescope eyes, descernible voice capable of pitch, tone and volume that cracks Ice, shatters glass, and renders those in ear-shot stunned for moments, your most fearless, strong and loyal friend for life, or your most feared, relentless mortal enemy.

Ellie brings up this:

noun: what you've done if you take a bunch of psyhchedelic drugs when you were already way too creative for your own good.

That sounds about right.

ellie said...

Check out "Granny" # 4

RIO said...

Dear Mr. Cherky --

I have a friend who just recently bought an iPhone. As it turns out, the phone is a better listener than he is, so I call the iPhone just to talk. iPhoney and I have established quite the relationship now, built on trust and give-and-take, and just last week, he sent me a flirty email message (it was all in Binary, so I had to translate it first, but the placement of the 1s and 0s was so very suggestive at any rate).

Sincerely, RIO

PS -- thank you for always being right. It saves a lot of hassle.

RIO said...

Hmmm, I'm in the Urban Dictionary too.... :-\ Apparently I'm some sort of male anticipatory sexual experience. *puzzlement*

*walks off*

*puzzles some more*

You're a moron said...

My name means that you're a moron.