Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The Things a Parent Has to Do

A few interesting little factoids that when put together equal a post at least as good as anything The Locksmith might mumble when he's asleep.

Story #1:

On Sunday at Rocky Mountain National Park, I had to explain to HannahC the "leave no trace" school of national park visitation. See, she had wanted to bring a pine cone home, and I explained how we weren't allowed to take anything out of the park, and on top of that, we weren't allowed to leave any trace that we'd even been there. She started asking questions, and I found myself saying, "See, there are these people who like to think that humans are not part of nature. They like to think that any trace of a human destroys nature and forever alters the balance and harmony of the earth. They would actually prefer if there weren't any humans. Other than themselves, of course."

HannahC wasn't buying it, as she is a very intelligent person and capable of reasoning, and thus is not at all susceptible to environmental propaganda. So I added, "They're mostly Democrats. But they make the rules for the parks."

Then she understood.

Story #2:

I picked HannahC up from dance class Monday evening. It was her last dance class of the season, as she's taking the summer off in order to free up some time to do summery fun activities. We got to talking about that, and somehow she ended up saying that MaxieC was about to start figure skating classes.

Me, CherkyB: "Figure skating? Why does it have to be figure skating?"

HannahC: "Well, see, if you learn to hockey skate, once you get good at it, you want to play hockey. But hockey is too dangerous a sport for Maxie, so he is going to learn how to figure skate instead."

Me, CherkyB: "No, he isn't."

HannahC: "Yes. I thought it over, and it's what I think is best, and I talked it over with Momma, and she agrees."

Me, CherkyB: "Look, MaxieC is a boy. He's not a girl. I know you and Momma keep trying to turn him into a girl because it's all you know about, but I'm not going to let that happen. It's bad enough he's taking gymnastics. He is NOT going to take figure skating, and if he wants to play hockey, he's going to play hockey. And if he gets hurt, he gets hurt. That's what boys do. They play things and get hurt. Then they play some more."
Later, I checked with The Mrs. who claimed not to have known about the figure skating lesson plan. She agreed to the hockey plan. I didn't get it in writing, though, and I had to explain about all the safety equipment pee-wee hockey players wear nowadays and how they usually fall down when they try to check someone before actually making contact. Then, for good measure, I pointed out how much fun The Mrs.'s brother had playing hockey when he was younger.

Story #3:

After dinner, I was assigned to put MaxieC in the tub for his bath, but he started clinging to The Mrs. Not to be outdone, HannahC started complaining that she wanted me to do teach her her school lessons instead of The Mrs. The Mrs. started to say, "I guess Daddy could do..." then she caught herself. "Hmmm..."
Me, CherkyB: "I can't."

The Mrs.: "You could. It's not so hard."

Me, CherkyB: "What is it about my temperament that makes you think I can do this?"

The Mrs.: "You could do it if you wanted to."

Me, CherkyB: "When in the more than 20 years that you have known me have I ever done anything that would lead you to believe that I have the calm and patience necessary to be a teacher? Go all the way back to seventh grade and name one time."

The Mrs.: "Maxie, Daddy is giving you your bath. Hannah, I'm going to do your lessons. It would take me as much time to explain to Daddy what he's supposed to teach you as it'll take me to do it, and then he'd just do it wrong because he wasn't paying attention."
The Mrs. is beginning to catch on.


fat moother said...

IMPORTANT: Squirrels are wild animals and can carry the life-threatening disease, rabies. In order to avoid significant risk to you, your family, and your pets, keep a great distance away from any squirrels that have entered your home.

CherkyB said...

What about angry beavers?

ellie said...

I strongly recommend the movie Blades of Glory. For gaining balance, martial arts could be recommended as an alternative to figure skating. It promotes good breathing too--also important to sports--and wouldn't be emasculating like other things that require disciplined breathing, such as playing the clarinet.

wife said...

Toot Toot!