A long, hard winter

So, I'm watching the NFL, as I am wont to do around this time of year, and then one of those things happened which is so cliché that I hesitate to report on it, given how you all will think I'm just spinning a yarn. But here goes:

MaxieC: "Dah?"

Me, CherkyB: "Yeah?"

MaxieC: "What's 'erectile dysfunction'?"

A long time ago, I heard on the radio (prolly from Dr. Laura) that the best way to approach uncomfortable questions of children is to answer them matter-of-factly.

Me, CherkyB: "Erectile dysfunction means you can't get a boner."

MaxieC: "A what?"

There are many drawback to being a homeschool parent. The most obvious being that I get to pay taxes to send The Childrens to a public school that they do not attend, and then I get to pay to buy tons and tons of curricula so that my hovering wife, bless her heart, can pick and choose the "best parts" from, say, 5 different math books, because god only knows that there are many ways to teach fractions, but only one of them could possibly be best, and who can tell which will be the best until you've tried them all? And, of course, having a wife who is always angry because she spends every waking hour with the precious little tykes - precious little tykes who have spent their whole lives with their mother and thus know absolutely every possible button to push for maximal annoyance. But, deep down in the list of drawbacks to being a homeschool parent is that your kids just don't pick up all the dirty stuff you normally expect them to learn from their friends.

One of which is the definition of "boner".

Me, CherkyB: "Well, MaxieC, a 'boner' is when your penis gets hard. Erectile dysfunction is when your penis doesn't get hard."

MaxieC: "Why would you want your penis to get hard?"

Oh, MaxieC, MaxieC, MaxieC, where to begin?

Me, CherkyB: "You remember that video with Howie Mandel? The guy from 'Deal or No Deal'?"

MaxieC: "Kind of."

Me, CherkyB: "You remember how the daddy has to put his penis in the mommy?"

MaxieC: "Oh gross!"

Me, CherkyB: "Well, your penis needs to be hard to do that."

MaxieC: "Yuck!"

Me, CherkyB: "And these pills make your penis hard if you have erectile dysfunction. They're called 'boner pills.'"

MaxieC: "Stop! Yuck! Gross!

Just then, The Mrs. walks in.

The Mrs.: "What the heck are you telling him?"

Me, CherkyB: "He asked what erectile dysfunction was."

The Mrs.: "And you're telling him???"

Me, CherkyB: "Yeah - he asked."

MaxieC: "I just saw the ad on TV and I asked, but I didn't know what it was, and now I wish I hadn't asked. It's disgusting!"

The Mrs.: "Up to your usual standards of parenting again, I see."

Me, CherkyB: "He asked. Am I just not supposed to answer?"

MaxieC: "I wish you hadn't."

I never get any support.