Something Not to Do 12

Let's say, purely hypothetically, that you are standing in the kitchen in the morning and happen to glance over at a stack of checks, and on top, there is a check from your parents as a gift for your anniversary. 

Then you think to yourself, "Self, that was nice of them to send us a gift. We didn't send them anything this year. I'm The Bad Son." But, you know, you've been The Bad Son on and off all your life and, luckily, with two brothers there is always some competition for that spot such that no one has to spend too terribly long with the title. 

But then you get to thinking. "Hmmmm... Yesterday was the 20th, which you remember because you had to update a web page and put the date on it right before you left from work. That means today is the 21st. Ohhhh shiiiiittt." 

And then maybe you get a panicked look on your face for a second until you contemplate how you already talked to your loving wife this morning, and she didn't say happy anniversary. So you charge upstairs to where she is in the shower and yell, "Happy Anniversary!" To which she replies, "Yeah, I was just thinking that." 

Later, she tells you she was waiting for you to say it first since it's so important to you to be the one who remembers first. You know that's a filthy lie. She is trying to catch you forgetting and doesn't want to admit it. But you let it slide. When you get home that evening, maybe something like this transpires:

The Mrs.: "We got a 'happy anniversary' call from your parents while we were out."

Me, CherkyB: "Oh. That's nice."

The Mrs.: "They sang a happy anniversary song. It's the one that goes, 'When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.' Yeah, 'That's Amore', that's what the song is called."

Now, your finely tuned marriage instincts may tell you otherwise, but take it from me. The proper response to this is not:

Me, CherkyB: "That's Amore? That's a really strange song to think to sing to us."

That, dear readers, would be something not to do. ™ [ previous ] [ next ]