The Mrs. Slaves Away

Today started badly, the way most Sundays do. It started with MaxieC squirming around in our bed, making a pest of himself, and The Mrs. saying to him, "Stop. I need to get some sleep."

I think I've covered before that she isn't actually talking to him when she says this. Instead, this is wife-speak for, "Husband, get up and take this infernal child with you so I can sleep." The Mrs. rarely speaks directly to me anymore. Instead she speaks to me by saying stuff to The Childrens like, "I bet Daddy wants to go out on the trampoline with you," or, "Daddy is really good at changing poopie diapers." It's very hard to follow, as The Mrs. neither makes eye contact nor pauses when she changes whom she is talking to. So I am required to listen to all her conversations with The Childrens and post-process the speech to determine whether she was actually talking to me or not.

I am required to do this even when I am asleep in bed on Sunday mornings.

I used to be annoyed by this, but I've observed it in so many mothers that I assume it is biologically-programmed behavior. So I don't take the hollering at personally anymore.

I stumble out of bed and take MaxieC down to the fambly room. I plop him in front of the TV and turn on whatever dreck it is he likes to watch in the morning. PBS Kids Sprout, mostly. Then I crash out on the couch. Every now and then MaxieC makes a demand, like he needs a drink of water, or he needs a snack, and I stumble around to get it for him. I do all this without completely waking up.

Much much later, I'm snoozing on the couch still and MaxieC is sitting in my La-Z-boy watching Bob the Builder, and The Mrs. wanders through. She says, "I thought you were supposed to be watching him."

I open my eyes, he's right in front of me where he's been all morning. I say, "He's right there."

She huffs and announces that she's going out to prune the rosebushes.

More snoozing goes on.

eventually, MaxieC gets hungry for real. I decide we're going out to get some donuts. I don't know where there's a donut shop, but I know that there are two supermarkets down the street that sell donuts. I head over there. A beautiful little town called "Windsor". I drive all the way through it looking for a donut shop. I find none. I drive back slowly, visiting every strip mall. Nope. No donut shop. I stop at King Sooper and get some donuts.

We eat donuts. They make me sleepy. The three of us crash in the family room some more while The Mrs. goes about straightening up the house. When she next rousts me, it's to announce that she has the dining room "all set up". I say, casually, "Our dining room furniture is in the eat-in kitchen, and we didn't buy any more, so there is nothing to set up. The room should be empty."

"Why should we have an empty room when The Childrens could use it as a play room?"

"You mean you've turned a third room in the house into a playroom?" 1) The pool table room, 2) the 4th upstairs bedroom, and now 3) the dining room.

Turns out it is a theme room. Little people junk.


This little person doesn't seem to object.


I had some caffeine at this point, and felt much better. Well enough to go out front and add water to the Koi pond.

Then, for the hell of it, we went joyriding on the mower again. I don't care what you commentators think, nothing is more fun than taking your kid for a mower joyride. We did that until lunch, about a half-hour.

The Mrs. spent a lot of the day straightening up. She was very proud of her results, and made me take pictures to post. Here is the fambly room, all cleaned up and arranged:



And a couple shots of the kitchen.



It's monsoon season here, which means we get a little storm every night. As I was sitting eating dinner, I was struck with the view of the sun peaking through the clouds over the mountains, so I took this picture through the window from my chair at the dinner table. I'm not sure the picture does it justice.