Thursday, April 26, 2007

God Bless America

[Note: I began to write this on Thursday, but I ran out of time. So most of the time "Today" means Thursday. I'll let you know if and when it starts to mean Saturday.]

Today was a Big Day. It was the day we had to pack up to vacate our rented building at work so we could move into our newly remodeled digs across the street on Monday. This meant that by 3:30, we were all pretty much done for the day. But, not to worry. We had made Big Plans.

See, a week ago at Fat Camp we all got to hear about Rico's obsession with joining the auspicious ranks of firearms owners in America. Naturally, being the patriot that you all wish you were, I fanned the flames all week and organized an outing to the sporting goods store this afternoon after packing up at work. Rico, Bozzetto, The Ice Man, and I all headed out to Sportsman's Warehouse in Loverlyland. Some planned to buy and some to window shop, as not everyone's wife/girlfriend will let him own a gun, because there are an awful lot of womens who are actually godless communists at heart. Some are even worse. They're Democrats.

I myself had two particular things I wanted to look at. An HK USP40C, and a S&W 686P . When I had first moved to Fort TomCollins, I was dismayed that the closest HK dealer was in Wyoming, but The Ice Man had mentioned a week ago that he was pretty sure they had them at Sportsman's Warehouse when he was there checking out new 9mm's. So I hit their dealer locater on the website, and sure enough, Sportsman's Warehouse is now an authorized dealer.


We all headed out separately, since we were all heading to our respective homes afterwards, our offices existing in boxes at the time. Bozzetto and I were parked close to one another, so he tailed me there. When we walked in, we found Rico at the counter fingering a little .22 carbine. The Ice Man was still tied up in a meeting when we left, but he arrived no more than ten minutes later.

A really, really old dude walked up and asked if he could help me, so I asked to see the HK, since I had located it on the wall. The one he handed me was the P2000 40C, though. It's also a very nice gun, but I'm not a big fan of DAO triggers. He then picked up the USP40C from right next to it. Ooohhh, what a wonderful little engineering marvel this is. So simple. So elegant. So expensive. In my mind a little conversation I had had with The Mrs. that morning came to mind:
The Mrs.: "What time are you getting home tonight."

Me, CherkyB: "The usual time. After I pick up HannahC from gymnastics."

The Mrs.: "I thought you had to be packed up and out of the office by 3:00."

Me, CherkyB: "We have to out by 6. But we're going to take a little field trip to Sportsman's Warehouse to look at guns."

The Mrs.: "You're not buying one."

Me, CherkyB: "Rico wants to get one or two, and Ice Man, Bozzetto, and I are going along cuz it'll be fun." [Note: not a lie. Simply a misdirection. Normally, The Mrs. would have pounced all over that. But she let it slide.]
So, after this brief replay, I knew what I had to do.
Me, CherkyB: "OK. I'll take this one."
Heh. I love America. I'm so glad I moved back to it from California.

Amongst the four of us, we managed to spend over $2000 on firearms on our little outing. But only three of us bought anything, as Bozzetto is much more afraid of his wife than a proper man should be. I figure this is cuz he's foreign and doesn't understand some of the requirements of being a man in America. Like being able to go out and buy a new gun any damn time you want without needing permission. He'll probably end up moving back to California in a couple years, where the state tells you when and if you can buy a gun, and only if it's not too scary-looking.

The Ice Man was still helping Rico pick out a shotgun, since I don't know jack about shotguns. I had picked out his .22 for him a couple days earlier, and he just got the one I told him to. Some punk came in and wanted to look at 9mm's, and the old guy I had been dealing with didn't actually know anything about semi-autos (which I had discovered when I was asking him about the differences between the P2000 and the USP, since I could only remember a couple from the website). So, being a good shepherd, I got talking to the kid about what he was looking for. Mainly because he looked at me and said, "What do you think of this Glock?"

Well, you know, Glock's are good guns and very popular with the gangstas, but I personally don't care for the trigger. They make a really easy-shooting .45, so I really wish I liked the trigger, but I don't.

But this kid was fascinated by it. Mainly because they had one with a 35-round magazine in it that stuck out about 6" beyond the bottom of the grip. The kid explained to me how he needed a 9mm for self-defense, since he needed something without too much kick so that he didn't have to re-aim in between shots but could just go "bam bam bam bam bam" as the guy was running away.

Really. That's exactly what he said. There's a big university in town. I figure he was probably a liberal arts professor's kid. Or maybe someone from the newspaper's editorial staff. The thing about the children of liberals is that they hardly ever have any money, and Glock's aren't by any means inexpensive (unless you compare them to HK's...), so after a lot of posing, he left empty-handed.

Then I got a little bored waiting for Rico's background check to clear (oddly, he picked the shotgun I had suggested despite me knowing nothing in particular about shotguns), and The Ice Man was still hemming and hawing about whether he needed another gun in the way that people who already own plenty of something yet still want more do, so I asked to take a look at the S&W 686P. This was a gun I had also picked out for Rico. And for The Mrs. And for myself. It's the gun I tell everyone who wants a revolver to buy. But nobody ever does, cuz when it comes time to actually spend your money, everyone realizes that they don't want to spend that kind of money on a revolver.

Man, that gun still has the sweetest single-action trigger you could ever hope for. Nice crisp break with no creep at all. The old dude behind the counter was clearly a revolver man, cuz he got all excited when I asked to see the revolver, and he started bring out more and more to play with. Rico came over to join in the old-school fun. I mentioned to the guy behind the counter that I was considering the 686P for my wife, and he said that it was too hard a gun for most womens to shoot. (Old-school sexism, too. I loves gun shops.) Then he lays down this little aluminum .38 snubbie with a laser site built into the grip. Says it's the perfect purse gun for a lady.

Hmmmmm... If only The Mrs. carried her purse anywhere...

After a lot more screwing around, now waiting for Ice Man's background check to clear, I found the deal of the century. Blue Heron decoys for only $13! Amazon wants $66 for these. You use them to keep heron from eating your koi if you buy them from Amazon. I'm not actually sure why the hunting department would have a heron decoy, since you can't hunt heron, and since herons are territorial and thus will stay away from the decoy rather than being attracted to it. I imagine there must be some kind of tasty waterfowl that likes to hang with heron. Maybe a duck. I'll look into it.

After that, I headed home to show my new toy to The Mrs. But she wasn't there. Duh. She was at gymnastics with The Childrens. So I locked it in the safe. Bozzetto called to say everyone was over at OldC's for happy hour, so I headed there as it's only two blocks from gymnastics where I had to pick up HannahC at 7. The Mrs. returns with MaxieC earlier as his class is only one hour instead of the three of HannahC's.

Ahh, there's nothing like the first big cold beers with the boys after an afternoon of gun purchasing. That night was also Fat Camp, where the festivities continued. Odell brewery was having a promo thing at Lucky Joe's, and we got free T-shirts and a coupon good for two free pints at their brewery tasting room because their rep spotting us drinking one of their products.

Thursday was perhaps the best day of my life.

Friday, I was discussing the previous day with The Mrs. It went like this:
The Mrs.: "How did you find this heron decoy? What made you think to look for it at Sportsman's? Did you know they sold them? Did you ask?"

Me, CherkyB: "Rico bought a shotgun, and we were wandering around looking for where they kept the shotgun shells, which it turns out is in the waterfowl hunting section, and they had a bin of these right next to the shells."

The Mrs.: "You didn't buy a gun, though." [Oddly not phrased as a question.]

Me, CherkyB: "Just one. A USP40C. It's like my 9mm, only the compact model and in .40 cal, which is more powerful. It's an excellent carry gun."

The Mrs.: "Are you going to get a permit to carry?"

Me, CherkyB: "Yeah. In Colorado, they have to give them to you if you aren't a felon and take a class."

The Mrs.: "That's a good idea. I should get one, too. With all this Virginia Tech stuff going on."
I sense another trip to the gun store coming up.

No comments: