CherkyB, Role Model

Yesterday, The Childrens and I were out working in the yard when it began to rain. There had been big thunderclouds overhead for a while, and the wind had whipped up and turned cold, so this was not unexpected. It's also fairly standard to have a thunderstorm in the afternoon during the spring around these parts.

We packed up all the tools that were out which, I believe, was a folding tree saw and My Precious lawn tractor. Then, upon HannahC's direction, we all climbed into the bed of the pickup, opened the garage door behind it, and sat watching the storm. Naturally, when you're sitting in the bed of a pickup, drinks are in order. So I got myself an ice cold Keystone Ice, HannahC got herself a caffeine free Diet Pepsi leftover from Grandmother Moo's visit, and MaxieC, ever the showman, got a bottle of sparkling grape juice and a cup.

Now, in the bed of my pickup, I have a ratcheting cargo bar. Except mine is really, really cheap cuz I got it at Harbor Freight. I've taken to heart that old pickup-owners maxim, "everything I own is either wet or stolen," and I've steadfastly refused to store anything of value in the bed. I do keep the cargo bar in there, hence it's a cheap one.

Well, The Childrens saw the cargo bar as a potential chair that they could sit on whilst peering over the tailgate. The new F150's tailgate is quite a bit taller than the old Dakota's was, and the found that they couldn't see over while just sitting on the bed floor. I told them it was a really cheap bar and would bend if they sat on it, and then I got 20-questions that involved variations of sitting on it that potentially placed less weight on it but that would quickly devolve into sitting on it, to which I replied "no." Finally, we decided that they could kneel between the cargo bar and the tailgate and lean against the cargo bar. Which they got bored of in about 30 seconds and came back across the bar.

Then, MaxieC poured himself another cup of sparkling cider, and he set the glass bottle down about 2" from his foot.

Me, CherkyB: "Don't put it there. You'll kick it over."

MaxieC: "No I won't. My foot is over here."

Me, CherkyB: "Yeah, but you'll squirm around and kick it over. You're really clumsy."

MaxieC: "Fine! I'll put it on the other side of the bar where no human is allowed."

[Proceeds to move it to the other side of the cargo bar]

Me, CherkyB: "No human allowed? You just spent the last 10 minutes over there trying to figure out different ways you could put your ass on the bar."

Me, CherkyB [imitating MaxieC's voice]: "Can I put my ass on it?"

Me, CherkyB [own voice]: "No."

Me, CherkyB [imitating MaxieC's voice]: "Well, how about if I just put one ass cheek on it?"

Me, CherkyB [own voice]: "No."

Me, CherkyB [imitating MaxieC's voice]: "Well how about if I just put my ass crack on it?"

Me, CherkyB [own voice]: "No."

Me, CherkyB [imitating MaxieC's voice]: "Well, how about if I sit in front of it and just lean my ass back up against it?"

Me, CherkyB [own voice]: "Oh, OK."

MaxieC: "OK OK. I'll put it in the corner."

A few minutes later, MaxieC tried out a sentence with the word "ass" in it.

Me, CherkyB: "Watch your mouth there, cowboy."

MaxieC: "But you said it a minute ago!"

Me, CherkyB: "Yes, but I am a man. It is my job to role model for you the kind of behavior that is expected from a man. That way [pointing at MaxieC] you know how to grow up and be a man, and you [pointing at HannahC] know how a proper man behaves so that you can find the right kind to marry and not end up with a socialist or something."

HannahC: "Marry? Someone like you? But Momma doesn't even like you!"

Me, CherkyB: "Yes, but that has nothing to do with me."