Friday, June 30, 2006

I Know Why They Call Them Sliders

"She mostly does horses." Hah! That is still funny to this day.

Had lunch with The JohnnyB today. We went to Armadillo Willy's, which is one of the places it seems like The JohnnyB and I always end up. StinkyJ was working through lunch, as he always does these days, and BrainkyP was MIA.

I was looking over the menu, and I noticed something interesting. They have something on the menu called, "Sausage of the Day." It's served with grilled onions and green peppers. That sounded good. I was all set to get that, but I noticed a big sign behind the counter promoting their latest creation: Kobe Beef Sliders. So new, it's not on the menu or website. These were three mini-cheeseburgers in the White Castle style served with garlic fries. That sounded damn good, too.

I pondered the choices for a while whilst we stood forever in a very slow-moving line. Now I'm paid to think ahead. Not too far ahead, mind you, as that's BrainkyP's job. But, you know, maybe up to a day ahead. My job is clear up all the nitty-gritty details that the idiot "big thinkers" overlooked so that they can seem to be successful with their long-term planning. So I ran through the scenarios. When I get to the front of the line, I could say to the pretty young lady running the register, "I'd like the sausage of the day."

She'd look at me, look at The JohnnyB, and say, "Didn't you come in with it?" Then I'd have to go off into a long diatribe about how, yes, I know he's very tall and stocky, but his hands are disproportionately small, plus his earring placement very clearly indicates he's a bottom, and anyways we're each married, and not to each other, and we're just coworkers having lunch, and go f' yourself.

Orrrr, I could say, "I'll have the Kobe beef sliders."

At lunch, The JohnnyB was telling me some story about how he was planning to paint his living room this weekend, but that his wife was worried about his blister. Then he showed me how he had a big blister across the palm of his right hand. He made up some story about burning himself on bacon, but I knew that somehow this was oddly related to the sausage of the day story.

You should all go to his blog and request photos of "The Palm". It'll be the funniest thing ever posted there, if you don't count my comments.

When I got back to work, StinkyJ axed me what I had for lunch, so I told him about the sliders. He said, "You know why they call them sliders, right?"

Oooooh yeah.

Took about 45 minutes for the truth to hit home on that one.

After work today, we had a little happy hour at SC13. I was going to leave on time to get home on time, but The Mrs. called me while I was there. I don't think I have ever been there without her calling me. I did not answer, because if I answer with mariachi music in the background, there is trouble. The Mrs. left a voicemail. He opening line was, "How is SC13?"

On the way home, I was overcome with the raging Shabu's. I wasn't sure I would make it home. I went in through the garage, since the downstairs bathroom is right next to it. I walk inside, and damn, the neighbor is over with her kid. I can't have the raging shabu's with the neighbor in the family room. So I head upstairs.

The Mrs. starts hollering, "Why are you going upstairs?" I ignore her.

I hit the master bath. No TP. The Mrs. never replaces a TP roll. So I go to the cabinet. No TP there, either. I'm clenching like crazy and dancing around at this point. The cold sweats are getting worse. I run to the kids bathroom and open the TP cabinet. No TP. HannieC is following me around at this point. Finally, I grab the half roll off the roller and head home to the master bath.

This whole time, I'm thinking to myself how it is that about 6 months ago, The Mrs. stopped buying TP proactively. She waits until we run out, then buys a boatload more. I mentioned this to her at the time, and she told me to go f' myself and if I wanted to do the shopping, that was fine with her, and why do I always try to pick a fight with her?

I went down to the garage where we keep the extra stock. Lots of paper towels. No TP. I had to scavenge some from the downstairs bathroom stock so that we'd have a couple backups in the upstairs baths. Then, of course, I found 4 rolls in the master bath. They were in the wrong cabinet.

I missed dinner, but I'm feeling much better now.

1 comment:

Nava said...

Hey, you used to be much funnier and less PC in June...

I know I should heavily protest against The JohnnyB maligning, but I can hardly see the screen through the tears.
Of laughter, that is.