Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Something not to Do™ 7

Say you've come home from a hard day at work, one at which you did not fritter away any time whatsoever going to the cafeteria Starbucks with Cavitation and MoustachioP and listening to them complain about darn near everything in the world, but most especially their wives, the whole time thinking to yourself, "Self, I feel left out of this conversation, not having anything to complain about, most especially not about my wife. But, hey, at least I'm having a latte."

Then you see the wonderful dinner that your loving wife has somehow managed to prepare for you in between chasing around and homeschooling your beautiful childrens, cleaning the house, washing the dishes, and doing the laundry, and all is well. You sup divinely.

After, your loving wife turns to you, pats her belly, and says, "I feel like I've eaten a lot today."

Now this next part is going to be very hard, as many men (well, at least me, and no one else I know based on the blogs they "journal") have been genetically programmed to know the perfect response without even having to think about it. That's right, I have the innate ability to hear and respond without even having to engage my brain to parse the original utterance to which I am responding. Do you know anyone else like this? Here's a little test. Tomorrow at work (for those of you who actually work. The shiftless layabouts will have to try this at church or something.), casually turn to the dude next to you in the middle of a meeting and say in a nonchalant fashion, "Another beer?"

If he says, "Yup," and then sits up and blinks a couple times, then turns to you looking puzzled and says, "Huh?" you will know he also has the gift of responding without having to listen.

This skill grows more acute with marriage, as it turns out.

Anyways, after your lovely wife pats her belly and says, "I feel like I've eaten a lot today," you're going to need to put on the brakes before responding with, "Yeah. You look like you've eaten a lot today."

That would be Something not to Do.™

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Nava said...

"and listening to them complain about ... especially their wives. . . I feel left out of this conversation, not having anything to complain about".

Ah, your divine sense of humor!
Never fails, Eh?

Fascinating test, by the way.
What should us shiftless layabouts, who do not go to church, do?

CherkyB said...

I suppose you could try this test when you are at whichever "enriching class that's going to change your life" you've decided to make your husband pay for this week.

Steph said...

I thought the story was going to end with

"And then the wife told me she was pregnant."

Nava said...

Would have been a brilliant idea, only I don't take this kind of classes.
What a shame.

CherkyB said...

Like I always say, the best delusions are self-delusions.