Wednesday, March 07, 2007

He shoots!

He misses!

A metaphor for this post.

MoodyT has been depressing the hell out of me lately. He's been in one of his black moods, and I think we're going to need to have some kind of really big party at El Torito's house to snap him out of it. A party that has lots of booze and lots of single women.

In other words, we're doomed.

I tried to convince him that the solution to his mood was to go out and buy a couple expensive handguns (a technique that has invariably worked for me), be he got all nitpicky about it, and then Rico started flapping his yapper about how he should get a shotgun instead. Rico, despite being from Texas, doesn't seem to have any kind of feel for the perfectly healthy emotional attachment between a man and his piece. Shotguns are such brute force appliances. They get the job done quite well, and quite economically, but lack any semblance of elegance. Shotguns are the crack whores of firearms. Or the fat, drunken, sorority chicks who will throw up on you tonight and then have regrets and charge you with date rape tomorrow of firearms, if you pop for one of the fancy Italian models.

But Rico has to go on and on about how a shotgun is the best choice in home protection, like this is some kind of practical purchase. Like MoodyT had said, "I feel like I need some practical home protection," instead of, "I think it might be time for some change in my life." So the idea of affecting change through the purchase of fancy handguns is not even given any airtime. But if you aren't moved by a USP45 Tactical, then it may be time to consider a move to The Castro. Hell, this gun is so cool, it's banned in California as an assault weapon (God, the California legislature is a remarkable collection of idiots).

Anyways, with the idea of Happiness Through Handguns (™) irretrievably sidetracked, I proposed Happiness Through Alcohol. This was also given no real consideration. Well, I'm out of ideas. If any of you f'kers is messing with MoodyT, cut it the hell out.

This afternoon, we got Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan from Netflix. Oh boy. Rico tells me there's a wrestling scene to die for.

[Update: Holy smokes, that scene was disturbing. Though funny as hell. Probably the second-most funny thing in the move, after his reaction to the telegram.]

8 comments:

Nava said...

I hope you get enough women over-50 and/or fat for Hamburgler at the party.

Nava said...

Just noticed that we are the same age!
At least as stated on our blog profiles.

What a fascinating coincidence.

CherkyB said...

Definitely strange. I never set my birthday to 1756. Must be a beta-migration thing.

FAT MOOTHER said...

hey - i am over 50 and very very fat- can i go with Hamburgler??

Nava said...

I heard the Borat movie is hilarious, but from people whose sense of humor I do not trust.
So - what's your opinion?

CherkyB said...

It's OK. Not as good as I had been led to believe. Three stars out of five.

Nava said...

Heard they have some Hebrew there. The guy is Israeli, y'know. Or at least was born in Israel.

CherkyB said...

Well, that would explain why 50% of the movie is dedicated to jokes about Jews.