Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I don't get it

I'm going to try to say this in a way that doesn't offend everybody. I know, however, that you're all hyper-sensitive and are just looking for some way to feel slighted by The CherkyB, so if it makes you feel better to feel offended, be my guest.

For I while, I had just one "Facebook Friend", and that was fine because it meant that facebook was largely what I expected it would be based upon descriptions given to me by co-workers who used it - an application completely devoid of any value whatsoever, but largely harmless. Then, this morning, I had two people who wanted to be my friends.

And that's when I realized it is much more than I had thought. It is actually not devoid of value. It has negative value. It allows people who should be keeping their inane thoughts largely to themselves to post every silly thing that comes to mind. I blogging, even really really bad blogging, you have to at least wait until you have a whole paragraph of something to say before you post it.

Not so in Facebook. It appears to be specifically designed for people who can't think of an entire paragraph of something to say.

For instance this little gem:
"5 Things i don't leave the house without!".My Brain, My wallet, My shoes, Patrick Swayze and My Boobs."
And if you click on any of the embedded photos, it asks you to consent to have all your personal information mined so that they can use it for something that is buried in the small print of a service agreement. Really.

Or this:
"[I] got the last Broadway Market butter lamb at Wegman's."
Followed later that same day by:

"[I] put the ham in the oven."

Lamb or ham? Which the f#$k is it, for f*%^k's sake?

And it just scrolls on and on and on like that. It make's Angry Thespian's work like like art in comparison.

It's like someone was kicking back one day hitting the herb a little hard and said, "You know what, maaaan? You know what I really miss with all this web 2.0 sh!t and stuff, man? I miss the days when you would call up your local bulletin board system on your 300 baud half-duplex modem and just post whatever you were thinking, man. And you didn't have to think too deep cuz at 300 baud you couldn't type too much. And you could have like a cool screen name like 'Kreton Metallicon' or 'Zerk the Infinite' and just like, be whatever, maaan. Someone should invent something like that only, like, with pictures, so if you didn't have anything to say, you could just snap a pic with your cellphone and put that up. Like, 'Hey, this is me. This is what I look like right now. I'm like feeling all baked and sh!t.' Only without having to write anything."

I can feel myself getting shallower already.


ellie said...

It was a butter lamb and a big ole ham.

Now which of my friends posted these shallow status updates in this order?

1:04 a.m. "OK, maybe just one more before bed."

12:30 a.m. "I can never get Skype to work right. I don't know why."

10:59 p.m. "I'm having a rum and Coke. Only instead of just normal rum, it's 100 proof Captain Morgan, and instead of Coke, it's Diet Pepsi. But other than that, it's a damn good rum and Coke."

10:18 p.m. "Insipidity."

Hint: I don't drink and I'm not up past 10 so it wasn't me.

Anonymous said...

I hear ya - I NEVER accept/use "applications". But other than the few people who post hourly updates, i really like it. But twitter? No way, that is way too in the weeds for me. I just hope I am not assimilated by it.

When are you coming back to my blog ya lazy git?!

Anonymous said...

That was me, blogauthor. I cant log into my acct. Grrrr.

CherkyB said...

As for when I'm "coming back to [your] blog" keep in mind it was you who left me, not the other way around. You managed to muddle through the first 38 or so years of life without me, I'm sure you can manage another few. Though I don't know if your comments section really can.