Death Becomes You

You know, there's only so much funny in any one life, and mine seems to be running low. But, since I had such a banner week in revenue from the website, I figure I owe you all at least a little something something tonight. It may not be horribly entertaining, but you gets what you pays for.

Let me start out by saying that the death of Spanky that was reporting in the comments on his site is now a confirmed hoax. I actually spoke with him on the phone on both Wednesday and yesterday, and he was very much alive. So you can stop sending me memorial money. I'm not sure I've actually laid eyes on him in weeks, though. So perhaps he just has a really good roaming plan with Verizon, and he can still get reception in the grave. On second thought, you ought to keep that memorial money coming just in case. A body temperature of "room" is a little low for someone above ground.

You may notice that today there is a little counter up there under the Google search link that counts "unique" visitors. I figure I'll have to tell you what the definition of a unique visitor is. It's someone who hasn't visited the page within the last 6 hours. This prevents CJ from spinning the counter with his refresh disease.

I realized today that I've know CJ for maybe a little over ten years, and I have no idea what "CJ" stands for. I realized this when someone was IMing me asking who "this CJ fellow" is. A lot of my readers (yes, I mean you peoples - I don't have any other readers) also visit CJ's Blah, too. And I bet no one knows what "CJ" stands for. Except perhaps for Cindy, formerly of Cindy's Blah, who I'm not sure ever reads this.

The guys at work aren't going to let me use the new catchphrase, "I'm like the Ellen Degeneres of comedy" anymore. Apparently, many people think she's downright hysterical. But I work with a bunch of left-wing wacko's. If this were the 50's, we could call them Communists. Now, we call them "mainstream California voters".

Yesterday was Fat Camp. Once again, a bit of a disappointment in terms of turnout. TommyO made it, but no one else did. Here are the excuses for this week:

• StinkyJ: My leg is still broken.
• AndyP: I'm still coaching Little League
• Spanky: I just don't feel like biking. And a bicycle really doesn't fit into a coffin. Can you loan me a flashlight?
• BrainyP: You know, I'm putting up posters on Saturday for [blah blah blah some stupid race somewhere on the peninsula like Milbrae blah blah blah] and I'll be riding my bike around to do it, so yesterday I assembled all the signs, then I tuned up my bike and got it ready to go. But I never thought about bringing it for Fat Camp. If you start calling it Fat Head Camp, maybe I'll start going again.

But we did roughly the same route as two weeks ago, only this time in almost the exact same amount of elapsed time. Then we went to Jakes and had the same food as last time - a medium pepperoni and mushrooms plus two orders of hot wings. And we had a pitcher of Anchor Steam. Then TommyO had to go cuz his wife can't live more than about 3 hours without him. It's hard to imagine.

Tomorrow, The Mrs. is threatening to send me to the ballet with HannieC. Apparently, there are tickets to the production of The Little Mermaid that have already been procured, but, "It's right during MaxieC's nap time." Now, all of the ballet's that The Mrs. took HannieC to last year were also at the same time, also during MaxieC's nap time, and back then he was seriously still on the boob. Thus, it was hard as hell for me to get him to sleep while the womenfolk were at ballet. But it was easier than sitting through a ballet.

I'm not sure you can even pre-order drinks for the intermission at the children's edition of the ballet.

This year, for some reason, the womens got together and decided I should take HannieC.

Wow. I just got my first hit to the website since I put up the hit counter. Thank you, and do come again.

And visit the website when you get a chance, too.

I better post before everyone goes to bed.