Monday, October 15, 2007

Diversity Corner #1

Welcome, adoring readers, to the very first installment of a new, recurring feature here called Diversity Corner. For those of you who don't remember when I first described it (and, who are we kidding, my readers are by and large not bright enough to remember what they had for breakfast two weeks ago Thursday, much less some casual aside I tossed in to some otherwise-riveting post), I'll lay the foundation for this segment again.

My new building at The Company has bowed to the pressures of the Diversity crowd and has established a "multi-cultural" room at work. As can be expected wherever there is a multi-cultural room, the room is decorated with such things as Islamic prayer rugs, copies of the Koran, and literature about Islam being a religion of peace. To go along with this standard fare, there is also a little bookcase labeled "Diversity Library" that has a shelf labeled "Diversity Reading". One glance at the titles contained in said library lets you know immediately that you are in Colorado, not California. In Colorado, people still think that "diversity" includes diversity of opinions, whereas in California they have given in to the widely-accepted definition that it refers entirely to the race and/or culture of the speaker, and that to achieve "diversity" you must have the one and only one wacko-Marxist "correct" opinion presented continuously by different peoples.

So, amongst the standard leftist group-think drivel in our Diversity Library, one is able to find a few eyebrow-raisers. I am thus going to kick off Diversity Corner with a discussion of one such book. It's a book I have been wanting to read for a long time, but is always checked out of the public library. Imagine, if you will, my excitement at finding Dr. Laura Schlessinger's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" just sitting there on the Diversity shelf!

Now, those of you who know me know that I am a calculating sort. I did not immediately grab the book and run home with it. No, I first had to spend a good deal of time trying to figure out if The Mrs. would consider it a personal affront for me to be in possession of such a book. But, I eventually decided to risk it, in particular because I needed some blog material, and either way we have a winner. I did decide, though, that I would read the book myself despite it being targeted at wives (and therefore womens, despite it being in the Diversity Library) on the pretense that I was trying to make sure that my actions were not unreasonable as a husband. Much like if you could actually get your car to read the owners manual so it would say to itself, "Self, my driver has followed the prescribed maintenance schedule faithfully, my fluids are all within spec, and it's only 25 degrees out. Hmmm... This means I better f'ing start this morning."

Also, because I've given that recommendation to a couple dudes I know, and I wondering if such rot actually works in real life. I always suspected that the womens would see right through it, but that it would establish the level of plausible deniability that is necessary in order to escape punishment. For my part, The Mrs. saw right through it, but not only did she only act with snide derision a couple of times while I was reading it (lamentably predictable stuff like, "Oh, are you planning to get a husband, cuz we could sure use someone to do some housework around here?"), but she also then read it herself. That worked out exactly as I had assured folks in the past that it would.

I am, oddly enough, a relationship guru.

Now, for those of you who have not heard of this book (i.e., the womens in my readership who are deep in denial), this book purports to be a user's manual about husbands. Once you get to reading it you realize, hey, yeah, this is actually a user's manual about husbands. It's amazing how the good Dr. could take a series of anecdotes from her radio show and weave them into a fabric that is dead-nuts on in so many ways. In fact, if there's one great comfort in reading this book as a husband, it's that your wife isn't the big mean ogre you thought she was. She's just a normal wife who never read the manual and is getting by on the advice of her bitter mother, bitter friends, and the odd collections of freaks and weirdos she comes across in the normal course of business. And Russian mail-order brides almost always secretly swipe your money so that they can import their boyfriends from Russia and then divorce you the second they get permanent residency.

OK, that last part wasn't in the book. But it's something topical to keep in mind.

The book is comprised of a total of eight chapters, so it's a pretty quick read. The first couple chapters do an excellent job setting up the theme, and the book finishes quite well. The middle chapters are a bit repetitive, in my opinion, but it could also be that they just didn't speak to me as personally as the others.

I found in this book a remarkably adept description of the transformation from loving wife to completely-child-consumed mother that I have witnessed happen to so many of my dear, dear friends. Sadly, the recommended fix - to put your husband back at the top of the priority list instead of at the bottom - seems to be one that is almost laughably unworkable given that the situation involves a woman.

My favorite chapter is Chapter Six: "What's Sex?"

This [...I wanted him to love me and accept me just the way I was] is not an unusual sentiment for me to hear from women, who express hostility that their husbands would like them to clean up, dress up, and tone up. They act like their husbands are selfish, sex-crazed, superficial, insensitive barbarians, which isn't the case. The, "If they loved me, they wouldn't make a fuss about such things" point of view is simply irresponsible and destructive.

There's a lot more good, naughty stuff in there, but this is a fambly blog.

The Mrs., while she was reading the book (the whole book, not just chapter 6, you perverts), gave me 4 of the happiest days we've had since we had children, so I can say that the advice contained therein is actually useful. Unfortunately, as soon as the book was completed and the cover shut, it evaporated as though it had never happened. Thus, I question the long-term applicability of the advice.

Overall, I give it 4 out of 5 Diversity Stars.


Nava said...

"And Russian mail-order brides almost always secretly swipe your money so that they can import their boyfriends from Russia and then divorce you the second they get permanent residency."

Ooooooh - I knew there was something I forgot! An I got my permanent residency such a long time ago!!

CherkyB said...

I never knew you were mail-order. I thought The JohnnyB met you through work. I wonder if he got to expense the trips anyways.

Nava said...

Well, let's not let technicalities confuse us. True, I was not mail ordered, I am not Russian - ah, well, might as well forget about the scam.

No trips were expensed. C'mon, it's The Company!

CherkyB said...

Well, you know, these scams are very specific. Filipino mail-order brides kill you in your sleep, for example.

Nava said...

Oh, OK. I'd better find out what Israeli non-mail-order brides are supposed to do, then.

CherkyB said...

For those of you anxiously awaiting the next installment, I'll be covering "The Female Advantage: Women's Ways of Leadership", but Sally Helgesen. The title promises a book seemingly dripping with diversity!