Saturday, April 08, 2006

The Butterfly Bush Lives!

But will I?

It's really a strange thing. I was out mowing the lawn for the first time since the Garden of Death episode, which I guess was about two weeks ago, and I was taking a look at the butterfly bush, and I noticed something unusual. The bush seemed to be doing just fine. The droopy leaves that it had been shedding were gone, and the bush was covered with normal leaves. It was bizarre. Just two weeks ago, it was certain death. It had a root ball about the size of a soccer ball.

For those of you on the East Coast, a soccer ball is a ball that's a little bit smaller than a basketball. It's used in a curious game called, oddly enough, soccer. It's hard to describe soccer, but I'll give it a shot. Imagine, if you will, hockey. Now, instead of a puck, think about a ball a little smaller than a basketball that is made of black-and-white geometric patches sewn together like a quilt. Then, take away the stick, the ice, and any semblence of excitement. Take the violence out of the game and put it into the stands, where legions of "fans" are so bored by watching people jog back and forth kicking at a ball and not doing much of anything else that they beat the hell out of each other to put a little sport into the afternoon. Sometimes these "fans" get a little delusional from the combination of boredom and brawling, and they start to refer to soccer as "football". If you come across someone like that, just smile politely and change the subject. Correct them will only make them angry and violent.

Over here in California, of course, we know all about soccer. That because it appeals to two demographic groups that have a lot of representation out here: foreigners who don't know any better, and natives who do know better but need to put on a show about how sophisticated they are because they agree with foreigners. You know the type. They go off to Europe for a couple weeks and start spouting off about how much more intelligent everything is there, from the way they write the date to the direction that they peel bananas. For some reason, these folks lack the good manners to simply stay there. We even have a word for these people over here.

We call them Democrats.

But I digress. These butterfly bushes apparently grow like weeds.

We're off to BevMo now. They're having their "5 cent" wine sale, where you buy one bottle at the regular price, and the second bottle is 5 cents. Can't hardly turn up a deal like that.

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