Friday, November 28, 2008

A Touching Holiday Story

MaxieC's globe base had broken off again, and on Thanksgiving, he and I were in the garage kneading up some epoxy clay to repair it. I had just shown him how we had to scuff up the surfaces with coarse sandpaper in order to make sure the epoxy clay had something to stick to - it doesn't stick so well to shiny plastic - and the following transpired:
MaxieC: "Boy, you sure are a good fixer, Daddy."

Me, CherkyB: "I'm pretty good. I do what I can."

MaxieC: "How did you learn how to fix everything?"

Me, CherkyB: "Oh, a lot of the stuff my dad taught me."

MaxieC: "Wow. And now you're teaching me, and when I have a son, I can teach him."

Me, CherkyB: "Yup. That's pretty much how it works."

Later, The Childrens and I were down in the basement watching the marathon of Plastic Surgery: Before & After on Discovery Health. Being that it was on Discovery Health, I deemed it educational as opposed to trash TV like Dr. 90210.
HannahC: "Daddy? What's a 'full C-cup'?"

Me, CherkyB: "Well, it's the minimum acceptable breast size."

Me, CherkyB: [doh!]

Me, CherkyB: "I mean, like, uhhh, women who have smaller than C always think of themselves as having small breasts. Not that that's unacceptable. But C is where people start to think they're not small."

HannahC: "No. I mean why is it called a 'cup' size?"
MaxieC: "Dah? Why would someone want their nipple moved up?"

Me, CherkyB: "Well, son, a lot of women like their nipples to point forward."

HannahC: "Yeah. Nipples are supposed to point forward, not down at the ground! Duuhhhh!"

MaxieC: "But [redacted]."

Me, CherkyB: "I blame you for that."
Finally, HannahC was going to "camp out" in the basement overnight, and she had snuggled in to the sofa bed and flipped on the tube to catch a little more of the marathon.
Announcer: "...And, after three children, Tracy was ready to do something for herself."

Tracy: "I've chased after three little kids, and now I think it's time for me to do something for myself."

Announcer: "She's decided to get a 'mommy makeover,' an increasingly popular treatment that includes a tummy tuck to get rid of the sagging abdomen and stretch marks, a breast lift to reverse the damage from years of breast feeding, liposuction in the thighs, and fat grafting into the lips."

Tracy: "I want my body back!"

The Mrs.: "WHAT are you watching?"

HannahC: "Plastic Surgery: Before & After."

The Mrs.: "That is not an appropriate show for you."

HannahC: "But it's my favorite shooooowwww!!!!"

The Mrs.: "No. You cannot watch this. It's just all about stupid women getting bigger breasts."

Me, CherkyB: [sigh]

HannahC: "Daddy said I could watch it!"

The Mrs.: [glare]

Me, CherkyB: "It's Discover Health. It's educational."

The Mrs.: [rolls her eyes] "I'm turning it off!"

HannahC: "Nooo!!!! All you ever want to do is be mean to me! I hate you!"
And then it kinda went downhill from there.


CherkyB said...

Heh heh heh: "We have strong indicators that is written by a man (99%)"

Anonymous said...

Good luck with that.

Anonymous said...

I watched the same programs at sister's house Thursday. I had to laugh because the plastic surgeons who were experts at face restructuring and making women beautiful were ugly as all get out themselves...hehe.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear. I was just going to suggest that watching discovery health is probably going to be the one thing that hannah and granny will be able to agree on, and now it is forbidden. I must admit, I love it as well.