Tomorrow is the official start of The Week of Disappointment, which starts on The Mrs.'s birthday, continues through Valentine's Day, and then drags on for a minimum of 3 more days to round out the week, but will often continue for another week depending upon the degree of disappointment in my performance for birthday and Valentine's Day. The Mrs. is a difficult person to shop for. See, all the classic things that a man could buy for a woman, she eschews.
Jewelry? Won't wear it. She'll look at it, sigh, say, "thank you," half-heartedly, and then a week later won't even know where it is.
Candy? Nope. Actually gets angry if you buy her candy, as it shows you don't respect all her hard work to keep svelte.
Flowers? "Wonderful - a bouquet of wasteful death. Just what I want to put in the center of the table."
Soaps/lotions/Bath'n'Body Works stuff? As I mentioned before, The Mrs. has no fewer than 15 products lined up around her sink. This doesn't count the bunch more in the shower, in the closet, in all the drawers... These things are stacking up.
Lately, she has even begun refusing the old standby of a day spa gift certificate. Mainly, I think, to just be difficult. She doesn't want the same thing every year, despite it being one of her favorite things in the world.
There is, honestly and truly, absolutely nothing The Mrs. needs or even wants. I spoil her so every day of the year that it is simply impossible to top that for a special occasion, much less for 2 special occasions a mere 3 days apart. Yes, she married quite well. Her mother was wise to select me to be The Mrs.'s husband way back when we were 12. Which is itself odd, as her mother is not so much known for the wisdom in the relationship department.
I'm thinking this Valentine's Day may be the year for giving liquor. After all, if you're bound and determined to be disappointed, what goes better with disappointment than liquor? And what woman isn't a lot more pleasant to be around when there's liquor?
At least I have the birthday well covered, as one of the Christmas presents was back-ordered and arrived in early January.