I just took a swig of a drink that actually was so, um, unexpected that it made my teeth chatter. That's never happened before. It's two parts dark rum, one part triple sec, and one part lime juice. It's based on the recipe for a Jacqueline, but I got bored about 2/3 of the way through. So I skipped the powdered sugar and the shaking over cracked ice and just served it on the rocks.
I was lamenting to CJ today about how The Childrens bedtime schedule of late has prevented me from following rule #2 of blogging, "never blog sober," and this was affecting the quality of my posts. Heck I even had my first meta-post a couple days back, where all I did was post a link to a Google video of a TV show.
I've also been breaking rule #1, "always blog angry," for no good reason. I think I have plenty to be angry about in my life, but I can't seem to muster the anger. I've even gone soft on the Canadians, having taken to drinking Crown Royal and, of course, having purchased a French Canadian snowblower that sits in the garage completely unused and thus is a monument to wasted potential - a real metaphor for the majority of Canada.
So I look to my blogroll for inspiration. NavieA-B is usually great at getting me all wound up, what with all her complaints that no one comments on her artwork, and then her confrontationalism when someone does, but of course she's on vacation. The JohnnyB's political blog, filled with its unrepentant leftist nuttiness, can also be helpful, but he's also on vacation with his wife. Blog of the Week Rhonda's Blog is mostly heartfelt reflections on the little joys of life of late, which is hard to make hay out of without looking like an a-hole, and how many times can you make fun of someone for not having signed up for AdSense despite having more daily hits than the rest of us put together? Cavitation has pretty much stopped trying and has been phoning in his posts from a backlog of pre-written, completely uninspiring posts about his family and bad moovies, though we did learn today that he sometimes confuses his wife with Jenna Jameson, which is hard to do given they don't really look much like each other at all from what I can tell. Though I've never met either of them in person, so maybe they look like sisters in real life. CJ has given up blogging, only every now and then he falls off the wagon. And, of course, Ellie, after a promising start where she posted a risqué photo of herself followed quickly by a picture of her sitting under a noose, has also given up blogging, though not sporadically. So, not only do I have very little inspiration left, but none of my blogrollers are even any help. They don't even give me enough material to take little potshots at them just to stay in shape. I don't even have a cat to post funny pictures of on Fridays.
So I guess I'm on my own. It's like my honeymoon all over again, as they say.
Interestingly, despite both NavieA-B and The JohnnyB being on vacation, my daily pageviews haven't dropped off all that much. However, my advertising revenue is down about 70%. I thus conclude that there is a total of three people clicking on my ads, and two of them are on vacation. Oddly, substantially more people claim to me to be clicking on my ads. I know now they are a big pack of liars. Not surprising, given the kind of people who are naturally drawn to someone like me. I just have to add "liars" to the list of outcasts, malcontents, losers, and in-laws.
I really don't like abalone sushi. Really. Never had any other kind of abalone.
It is snowing. I want you all to pray that there is enough accumulation that I get to use my beloved snowblower tomorrow. Except most of you are a bunch of godless communists, except for Rhonda who apparently has a bible study group that has devolved into some kind of railing-against-the-patriarchy self-help coffee klatch, kinda like if Kathy Lee joined the cast of The View.
Hmmm...I guess I can bring myself to take potshots at reflections on the little joys of life after all. You should all make sure you run over to Rhonda's Blog to let her know how you think I'm an a-hole for saying that. And make sure you click on her ads while you're there. We're not blogging for for our health here, and the Blog of the Week title usually carries with is a Cherkylanche of advertising revenue.
And maybe NavieA-B, who being Israeli one might assume has some sort of religion other than godless communism. In fact, the Israelis are pioneers in the field of godful communism. I'm sure that will lead to their eventual ruin. In the word of Ronald Reagan, "Communism only works in Heaven, where they don't need it, and in Hell, where they already have it."
So, if by chance, you are reading this and are neither godless nor communist, please pray that we have 2-3" of snowfall accumulation overnight. That's at the high end of the forecast, so it will only take a very small miracle. Not even big enough to qualify towards sainthood.
I won't hold my breath.